#MarriageChronicles 04: Frozen
Hellurr…have you ever woken up with someone on your mind and can’t deny the smile that creeps to your face. Like the person steps out of your dreams into reality and just continues with you into your day?? Creepy! Yet lovely. It’s safe to say I’m having one of those kinda mornings. Don’t ask me who…*tongue out*. I used to love this Madonna’s song and it best suits this text. Do listen, and then read.
So on the chronicle today, I thought to talk about letting go. I didn’t want to use the same as title and sound cliche but really today is about shedding unncessary baggage that could threaten commitments like marriage. I’ve never been married before, but I almost have. And when the engagement was broken, it felt like my world was shattered. I practically was a frozen specimen. I remember being so lost and walking like a zombie that day, I almost walked into a moving car. What happened or whether he was a coward or not is pretty much story for another day but the fact that there was a steel bar around my heart was a bleeding reality. Now can you imagine the way I responded to other suitors that came along? You have no idea! It lead me to be hostile to men, I lacked the ability to trust and most especially, my faith was threatened. And when I did meet someone, the weight of all the frozen baggage a I was carrying became normal to me, but horrible for him. I can hear some say ‘all this because of a guy??’, well someone I respect a lot would say don’t judge until you walk in their shoes. I’ve learnt that too. You’re surprised I’m all about this when Valentine is just a few days away yea? Well a lot of people are hurting in relationships and hurting the person who’s giving his/her all to love them back but is failing because they can’t reach you.
Today I’m sharing tips on how I became unfrozen, since you asked.
–Let Go, Let God: If you think this is easy, I’ll tell you for free. It’s the hardest thing ever. But it’s possible. And it’s the best thing ever you can do to a frozen, broken heart. I read something somewhere that says all God needs is a broken heart. There’s no shame in letting go only a lot more to gain. There’s a world of courage there. He says to take His burden instead for its easy and light. Oh that’s so true. One step at a time and you’ll walk tall again.
–Get Busy: That helps a great deal. I like the story of Ruth when she lost her husband and refused to just go back to her fathers home and mourn idly. She followed her mother-in-law and got to work. I don’t mean to go all spiritual on you but I don’t know anyhow else to tell you the truth. Get your mind and hands busy and the hurt will die a natural death.
–Let go of stereotypes: You know those resolutions you make after going through an ordeal? Aha. Let them go. It doesn’t happen in a day but it’s a process God is willing to walk with you on. I still don’t wear rings, costume or whatever, even when I do love them. What can I say, I too am a work in progress. Hehehe.
–Don’t wait: You don’t know when you do this but you do. So I’ll tell you like a sister should. Don’t wait for some other guy/girl to come heal you. It’s very easy to fall into the temptation of thinking a guy will appear and mould back your frozen heart. Naa. Don’t do that. You know how in physics heat transfers from the lowest to highest? You’re just going to end up transferring some ice to the other person and that my friend, is hurtful. Get on the road yourself and let God do all the work. He’s the ultimate healer anyways.
–Don’t punish: I love a song Neyo wrote one time when he pleaded with his love not to punish him for another man’s mistake. I’ll plead with you here too. Don’t punish him/her. Instead of running into your shell and not trusting, talk to him/her. It’s a process, so take your time. Depression, sin, and basically all things evil thrive in isolation. So don’t keep your frozen heart secluded. Come out to the sun and talk to one friend. It helps believe me.
I could go on and on but I didn’t mean to keep you here too long. Just enough to help you unfreeze your heart even if it’s for 2 minutes. It’s the season of love so let’s allow ourselves be loved. We deserve it.
Shout out to the one man who’s loved me irrespective of the little ice blocks that’s left. *kisses* Love you plenty. Sometimes it just takes one man for God to make his big move.
What are your experiences? What lessons have you learnt? I’d love to read from you!!
*hugs and kisses*
Live. Love. Laugh. Look. Better