#MarriageChronicles 08: The Bane Called Anger
Hellurr…I never fully get how someone could let anger destroy something that has taken months, maybe years to build. I do understand that sometimes people can vex us to the marrow and anger will then need to be expressed. But how far is too far? Since no one is angry here, let’s listen to Emeli Sande. Soothing I tell you.
I have seen friendships, relationships and anger go down the drain because one moment in anger was ill managed. And that’s incredibly sad. We are allowed to be frustrated, irritated or a little pissed off but to bend straight out of character? Why? What really is the cause? How can it be managed? How can emotions be subdued enough to bow to us and not us to it? I’ve asked that question since I was 5, a lot more times than I can remember.
My father was a walking bomb. Anything could make him explode and when he does, you can imagine who the victims were. It affected his business relationships, his friendships, and most importantly his marriage. Though he’s older now and exercises a little more self-control, I wonder how different things could have been. I grew up asking God to teach me how to handle emotions, especially anger, and not let it be my bane. I’m still learning.
The first thing I did learn, was to take myself out of the situation. It works for the most of us. When something bad tempts to anger you, become the third person in the room and watch yourself. Realize that whatever is happening cannot and will not affect you if you don’t let it. Now, if it’s something life threatening, then maybe an outburst is necessary, only if you know that it will birth a positive change. If not, then bursting out is not the way forward.
Secondly, I learnt to look beyond the moment. Life will indeed go on, beyond the circumstances that threaten your emotional stability. Think of that. Then understand that the moment too will pass. You will still be married, you will still be happy with your spouse. Whatever the circumstance, it’s just temporary. You don’t need to spew fire and brimstone on your spouse. You can do without anger. You can walk away, shelve your thoughts, and come back when you both are more settled to discuss whatever it was that terribly upset you. An outburst may not give you that chance. Think on that, and then let it slide. It works every time.
Thirdly, I learnt to pray on the spot. I agree that most times all you can think of, is how to express yourself and let the other person know how right you are, at that very point. But you can train yourself to say a short prayer just under your breath. I’ll tell you for free, it works! It takes time to get used to, but it works. I have been tempted to call someone a low life piece of sh*t, and I know I would have been very relieved if I did. But that’s not right, especially as wives. You need to watch how you act and what you do when triggered. A prayer can help with that. You’ll want to take this to the bank. It saves a world of stress, believe me.
These three coins of thought have helped a lot of people, myself inclusive, in managing their temper. Are you prone to anger? How do you manage it? I’ll love to read from you in the comment section below. Do enjoy the rest of your day!
*hugs and kisses*
Live. Love. Laugh. Look. Better
Illustrator: Peniel Enchill