#MarriageChronicles 10: Infidelity And You

Hellurr…I can understand why your interest is spiked right now. Infidelity! Despite the sad fuel situation in the country, it’s okay to just take a break and read a blog. Lol. I love coming to you with topics that make you want to keep reading, I love writing. And most importantly, at the risk of sounding cheesy, I love you guys…really. *wide grin*. I could only think of Sam Smith’s ‘I know I’m not the only one’ for this post so there you go.

You may catch me a few times saying that infidelity is not enough reason to call off a relationship, much more a marriage. My opinion. Although I know a few people who won’t share this line of thought. I should clearly add this caveat, that the above statement is for those who cheated just one time and are terribly remorseful. A serial cheater should be in some kind of rehab, not married.

I’ve seen infidelity wreck homes especially by those who just fell victim one time. And they got caught. It’s also sad that some people don’t even know when they walk right into such traps. Cheating starts with the heart. You would have emotionally cheated on your spouse before physically cheating. Men will say it’s different for them, as they can have sex without emotions. I say it all starts in the mind. Call it whatever you like.

So can we deal with the root? The mind? I won’t list out 5 steps or 7 keys or 3 tips to avoid infidelity, I’ll just share my thoughts. I think the first thing is to set boundaries. When we were growing up my mum would switch off her phone by 9pm. Whoever needed her would call the next day or send a text. She had her own issues but I’m sure infidelity wasn’t one of them. Your boundaries may be different depending on your work schedule. But set boundaries. These days a ring don’t scare nobody. You have to show in our words and action that you don’t welcome those kind of behaviour.

Another trick I know works well even for me, is talking about your man/woman a lot. You don’t have to be all cheesy about it but make sure you proudly drop his/her name here and there. Let them know you’re happy and content where you are, else you’re looking for trouble.

I noticed when a couple fights, they go talking about it to others. I understand that you’ll need counsel as you progress but you should be careful not to divulge to someone you sense has feelings for you. That’s just license to pounce in. Instead have someone of the same sex, especially older, to share your issues with, if you so need to. Let’s be wise.

I used to think that some people just can’t cheat, that some sins can’t touch some people. Foul! I tweeted earlier, you really can’t vouch for your flesh. Forget trying. Just humbly thank God that He preserves you at all times and leads you not into temptation, like we pray in the Lord’s Prayer. But to think that you’ll never cheat just because you have so much self-control is to tell yourself the fattest lie. Anyone can do anything when the right buttons are pushed, but for GOD!

What experiences or advice would you like to share? I’d love to read from you!! Please don’t forget to share as well.

*hugs and kisses*
Live. Love. Laugh. Look. Better.

Illustrator : Peniel Enchill

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7 Discussion to this post

  1. Bunmie says:

    Hmmmmnnnnn…. Amazing piece!!!! Permit me to add that infidelity is gradually becoming a norm as many ladies forget their pride and settle to be Baby Mommas while breaking another woman’s home.

    My problem with this is that when the cheating has taken place our Women rather than been strong and facing their demons head-on they move out leaving room for more problems to come.

    Infidelity starts when as a woman/man you delete messages sent to you by someone to avoid your spouse/lover from seeing it. May God help us all.

    Sometimes ones openness to his or her lover could be a huge problem cos i once told my ex of someone asking me out and how i told him no. Only for my ex to turn around and use it as a condition for breaking up with me. i still speak the truth though.

    Truth is no physchiatrist or physchologist or sexologist can give advice or guide to having a faithful home., Even in the bible only a few kept one wife.IT IS WELL

    • Ursula says:

      Aha! it is well oo..I enjoyed reading your comment Bunmie. Sad that the ex had to leave because you were open. I’m glad to hear you’re still the same person. That’s who the right man will see and fall deeply in love for..*hugs* Thanks for your comment dear.

  2. Tosin says:

    This is really good….Infidelity!!! its even alarming when people try to justify it. Once you set your boundaries you might be fine. Yea, I said might because at the end of the day it takes God’s grace and direction.

    • Ursula says:

      You’re right on the spot when you said it takes God. After all is said and done, if God isn’t backing you, we’re just joking around. Thanks Tosin!!! *hugs*

  3. Berry Dakara says:

    Pastor Andy Stanley in one of his podcasts, talked about having guardrails in marriage. One of them was he never eats with another woman, unless his wife knows about it. He mentioned a time he was supposed to have a lunch meeting or something with a woman and another guy, and the guy canceled, so he phoned his wife first to tell her the situation. He gave a bunch of other examples to say that every spouse should know when they’re getting too close to fire, so that you prevent anything from happening. Your mum turning off her phone at night is an example too.

    Berry Dakara Blog

    • Ursula says:

      Oh I love that boundary he’s set! It goes a long way when couples are accountable to each other. Berry I really Woulda loved you to share your personal boundaries so we singles can learn…hehehe…but thanks so much for your comment! *hugs*

  4. Corazon Amukhale says:

    Infidelity is dangerous and more worse if done openly. I have a neighbors where the husband cheats openly and even goes to the extent of bringing them to the house. As I’m writing the wife traveled up country for a her brothers funeral and the Husband has brought in the wife’s younger sister. I normally say Women, we are our own enemies. Any way Love is a beautiful feeling just Love with no regrets. God is love and in Swahili we say ( Dunia Duara i.e The world is a big circle with no corners to stop) Nice article you inspire Me

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